Archive for January, 2010

#40: First original of 2010!

Posted: January 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ok, I must say SEVERAL things here.  I have many disclaimers.  Please read the following BEFORE hitting play.
-This was recorded at 3am, no practice, hit record and just do it type of thing…
-I am strumming without a pick so that’s why you hear weird slapping/smacking against the guitar sounds.
-I am trying to sing as softly as possible to produce a sound and that’s why it sounds all… breathy… lol…
-My voice is unbelievably nasty raw… sorry.
-This was taken with some real old hardware point & shoot cam, not my FLIP…
-Try to imagine what it’ll sound like with keyboard, piano, and other instruments… please… hahaha
-I’m really tired & quite delirious while recording this
-In sum, not the BEST recording of this song… you’re just gonna have to LISTEN DEEPLY with the Spirit.  Hahahaha… And yes, I could have recorded it again for better quality but it was rather a spontaneous moment and I’m super sleepy right now.

Thank you for loving and encouraging me guys.  Ya’ll rock. You will see the world of difference when Hawon makes it all better with his nice sound equipment and I finally get some recording done.  Thank you for all the positive words and prayers… ya’ll will be seeing the fruit of it soon. THANKS!

Holy, Worthy | Hedge Lee

Beautiful Lord, King of all glory
You breathe and things come to be
Glimpses of heaven here on this earth
I am in awe of You
I am in awe of You

Holy, holy
Holy is the Lord
Worthy, worthy
Worthy is the Lord

O Lover I gaze into your beauty
Your beloved, my heart longs to be
Your whispers stir life in my soul
I am in love with You
I am in love with You

Find me face down by who You are
You amaze me, You amaze me
Only You will I adore
Join with the angels and sing (that You are)

#39: The first of 2010!

Posted: January 12, 2010 in Uncategorized

Ah yes, the first post of 2010… exciting…

Strangely enough, I actually FEEL different in 2010… before, it was another year passed and gone… to be truthful… I feel like I lost years here and there… Upstairs in my room, I still have a calendar from 2007 posted… They all kind of blended in with the busyness of my days.  These days, I’m enjoying rest.  It’s been awhile really.  But let me rewind to the conclusion of 2009…

First, busyness still consumed me all the way up till the R180M Winter Retreat.  Up until the first worship, I felt… busy… sorry, I can’t think of any other words to describe it.  But I was resolved that this retreat would be a whole new experience for me and that I would stop being busy for the rest of it… and so it did..

Quick insert here: Thank you for all who were praying throughout the retreat in interecession… God heard your prayers!

Anyhow… so Sunday night was the first worship and I knew from the beginning that God was just pulling at my heart to be free and vulnerable and to let go of so many things… good kick off… after most of the morning stuff that opened the doors for intimacy and soaking in His presence, I went to my room and started preparing for evening worship the best way I know how: read Bible, pray, worship on guitar (very quietly so no other guests would come bangin’ on my door) and take a powernap to refresh myself.  All of that did wonders… I felt very refreshed and excited to lead the evening worship… I knew God wanted to do something different and big, but I had no idea what… well that night, God would choose to use some very special ladies to pray over people… and so… I waited and waited for HOURS (lol) to be among the last to receive prayer (and that usually is the best bc the people who are praying are so exhausted all they can do is rely on Jesus… lol… hahahahaha) and I have to be honest I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen… I was very strongly resisting anything “whacky, loopy, or crazy” that was going on… hahaha… I’m very… PRIVATE. I like those moments… but in PRIVATE.  Anyway, the girls started praying for me and I felt PRESENCE… and suddenly, instead of going backward, I was just dropping to the floor, goodness… bawling my eyes out, releasing things to God, and jerking around… puhahaha… some of the girls put their hands on my messed up back… and after some precious moments praying to God, I got up and whatddyaknow, no back pain!  What else?  I felt…. REFRESHED… really… like I’d been under some heavenly clear waterfall.  It was great.  God would use the rest of the retreat to set my heart free from things in prayer and through others (sorry Esther) and give me a different kind of picture for 2010. 

So let me tell you all of the things that have changed:
* SLEEP:  Since May 2009, I have had major sleeping problems… whether it was insomnia, nightmares, or frustrating sleep (the kind that feels like you didn’t sleep at all, not restful, not deep, very annoying), my sleeping problems were making me so miserable and consistently crabby and feeling exhausted all the time.  After that Monday night at the retreat, I slept deep sleep for the first time.  It was SO amazing. I instantly felt better in the morning.  It was crazy.  Since then, minus a couple of days here and there, my sleep has been a lot more restful, deeper, and comforting. 

* BACK PAIN:  So remember a couple of months ago I had that back injury and I couldn’t do anything?  Well, since that injury, my back wasn’t the same… I had a lot of pain doing normal things, but I just didn’t want to talk about it or admit it… since I don’t have insurance at the moment, I didn’t want to spend money I didn’t have… But it was weird too… my back hurt a lot at church, when I was about to lead worship, and other times where I wanted to serve God and I wondered about spiritual warfare and stuff like that… Well I learned that God heals.  HAHA. It’s that simple.  Every once in awhile, in a prayer meeting or before I lead worship, it’ll flare up… but with prayer, it dies down a lot.  LOL.  Isn’t that funny?

* REST: yeah, sleep is included in this… but it’s more of like REST from busyness, rest from past frustrations, rest from constantly being on call or fixing problems or DOING something for the past 9 years… 9 years of being angry, frustrated, bitter, and completely exhausted all the time… two days ago, I completely just turned off my phone at night to sleep through without any phone calls… it was amazing… I’m not gonna do it all the time, but it was simply AMAZING. And yeah, unless you’ve been there as a witness these past few years, or been in my shoes, this may sound really weird or not particularly mind blasting, but for me… it was… it is… Rest is gooood.

* WORD: I’m very good at making “justified” excuses about many things… including this.. I haven’t spent enough time really STUDYING the Bible like I used to… especially the past couple of years… I mean, yeah, I would read, I would listen to podcast sermons, spend time with God… but so much of it was because I knew I ought to instead of as my delight… These days, I read the Bible and I’m like blown away all over again. LOL. SOOOOOOO good. 

Those are just some things.  I’ve been told my entries are too long, so I’ll stop here for now.  More updates soon to come.  I leave you with a funny moment as 2009 ended.  The CM musical was a sensational hit!  Hooray to the adorable ones!

Disclaimer: I’m sorry this isn’t the best quality, especially towards the end bc I was shaking from laughter.  Enjoy!

Hallelujah come and sing
Let your hallelujahs ring
Sing praise to Jesus, Sing to the Lamb
Sing praise to Jesus the Lamb!